Up to date Might 11, 2024 at 8:00 AM ET

12 months after yr, the Eurovision Music Contest delivers a stunning, glittery spectacle of solely barely contained chaos. There’s all of the lights, fireworks, flags, sequins, disco balls and dance breaks, in fact – however there’s additionally the songs themselves, which this yr boast shows of (vocal) gymnastics extra spectacular than something you will see flipping throughout a mat in Paris this summer time.

Know this: 2024’s brace of 26 Eurovision finalists signify what’s, even for this contest, a maximalist bunch. These songs go massive. I might go as far as to say that the printed on Saturday (beginning at 3:00 p.m. ET on Peacock) is shaping as much as qualify as Peak Eurovision, so put together to bask within the wonderful bombast of all of it.

Musically, count on the standard mixture of pop bops, baroque ballads and membership bangers. Additionally, as all the time, stirring anthems about (decide a number of) standing up or holding up or trying up or not giving up. However by way of vibe? This yr’s roster teems with performers positioning themselves as quirky/witchy iconoclasts. You realize the type: daring, irrepressible people who reject the (checks notes) conformist RULES of (checks notes once more) SOCIETY.

The welcome presence of such gleefully bonkers acts as Eire’s Bambie Thug, Finland’s Windows95man, San Marino’s MEGARA, Slovenia’s Raiven and plenty of others – together with a number of performers highlighted under – makes it official: Eurovision 2024 is The 12 months of the Weirdo.

For these of us who’ve needed to undergo by means of the previous few years of the competition, which had been overstuffed with wan, weepy younger males warbling about heartbreak, I say: Carry it on, ya joyous freaks.

And, although Eurovision organizers see the occasion as “non-political,” it has been, as prior to now, a televised live performance with synth beats, glitter on the ground, and geopolitical undertones. Protestors have been on the streets in Malmo this week; they are saying Israel ought to have been banned from the competitors this yr because of the ongoing navy offensive in Gaza. Israel, whose singer Eden Golan is within the Grand Remaining Saturday, was initially requested to revise the lyrics to their entry within the competitors this yr, when an earlier music appeared to confer with Oct. 7 assaults by Hamas. Extra anti-war protests are deliberate outdoors the Malmo Enviornment on Saturday.

On prime of that, Joost Klein – a crowd favourite from the Netherlands – has been banned from the competitors simply hours earlier than the Grand Remaining. In an announcement Saturday, the European Broadcasting Union wrote, “Swedish police have investigated a grievance made by a feminine member of the manufacturing crew after an incident following his efficiency in Thursday evening’s Semi Remaining. Whereas the authorized course of takes its course, it might not be acceptable for him to proceed within the Contest.” Klein didn’t carry out on the costume rehearsal Friday evening.

This is what it is advisable to know earlier than Saturday’s Grand Remaining.

The principles

We can’t be diving deep into the internecine particulars of Eurovision voting, as a result of they’re going to spend loads of time throughout Saturday’s broadcast explaining every little thing in punishing element (which is traditionally an excellent time to refresh your drink and/or nip to the toilet).

However, very principally: The 37 international locations collaborating in Eurovision this yr every submitted a music to compete in two semi-finals which befell earlier this week. Of these 37, 26 had been set to compete in Saturday’s Grand Remaining. (Joost Klein’s disqualification means solely 25 will take the stage.) Six sailed by means of simply: yearly, the so-called “Massive 5” international locations – France, Spain, Germany, Italy and the U.Ok. – routinely qualify for the Grand Remaining, as they contribute essentially the most cash to the competitors. Additionally assured to advance: Whichever nation gained the earlier yr’s contest, thereby internet hosting the competitors this yr. On this case: Sweden.

This yr, the 20 different international locations that made it to the Grand Remaining had been solely decided by viewers watching at residence, the so-called televote. This put an fascinating spin on issues, as a result of prior to now, placement within the Grand Remaining was decided by a 50/50 mixture of the televote and the votes of a world jury of music trade professionals.

Casting off the jury vote within the semifinals meant that performers who introduced loads of crowd-pleasing visible aptitude to their qualifying performances had a greater shot than in years previous. The worldwide juries shall be again for the Grand Remaining, nevertheless. How their traditionally conservative, wet-blanket sensibilities mesh with the voting public’s love of shiny glittery fiery extravagance is a giant a part of what makes Eurovision so rattling compelling and unpredictable.

So, throughout Saturday’s Grand Remaining, every efficiency should adhere to the next guidelines:

Songs have to be authentic.

Songs have to be not more than three minutes in size.

Lead vocals have to be carried out dwell.

No dwell instrumentation of any variety is permitted.

Throughout a music, not more than six performers could also be onstage on the identical time.

Simply to underscore Rule 3: Eurovision isn’t and has by no means been a lip-syncing competitors. These performers are singing dwell, although their instrumentation and backing vocals are pre-recorded. If on Saturday you end up starting to doubt that reality, significantly for international locations whose performers incorporate propulsively cardio choreography like Georgia, Cyprus and Austria, remind your self that you simply’re not watching a lip-sync, you are watching great breath management.

The dwell vocal efficiency is all-important. Over time, various acts have sailed into the Grand Remaining favored to win, solely to have a hesitant, breathless or off-key vocal within the dwell efficiency destroy their probabilities. Stakes. Gotta love ’em!

And as for Rule 4: Each time a efficiency includes a “band” wailing away on their drums, guitars and/or saxophones, remind your self you are not watching them really shred, you are watching them mime. It is sort of cute.

The Grand Remaining

Final yr, for the primary time, viewers within the U.S. had been in a position to vote for his or her favourite Eurovision performances – although these votes bought pooled with different non-participating international locations around the globe. This yr the U.S. will once more have an opportunity to vote within the Grand Remaining by way of the Eurovision app.

This is how Saturday’s Grand Remaining will proceed. First, the 25 international locations will carry out their songs. Then the viewers will vote. (NOTE: Viewers in collaborating international locations can’t vote for their very own nation, which at the least notionally prevents the large inhabitants facilities from dominating the competition.) The viewers vote shall be tallied. Then the jury votes shall be collected over a sequence of glorified Zoom calls to representatives in every collaborating nation, which shall be marked by video lags and audio dropouts; this course of is awkward, interminable, cringeworthy and pleasant. The jury votes shall be tallied, which can or could not fully supersede the televote. The winner shall be introduced, a trophy shall be handed out, and the winner will carry out the profitable music once more. The tip.

Listed below are the songs with the most effective shot to win this yr’s Eurovision Music Contest, as decided by me, a middle-aged queer American man who loves bops and hates ballads. Which is to say: This can be a extremely subjective listing. If you wish to know what the oddsmakers suppose, go right here.

Netherlands: “Europapa” by Joost Klein

Replace: Joost Klein and his music “Europapa” have been disqualified from the Grand Remaining Saturday.

This goofy, peppy, earwormy bop is basic Eurovision – and that is even earlier than you consider its lyrics, that are basically a love music to the European Union itself. Particularly, to the power to galavant across the continent freely, cheaply and and not using a care on the earth. (On the finish, he additionally sneaks in a tribute to his late father, “Who instructed me as soon as the world has no borders.”) Principally, this music represents the catchiest, sunniest potential technique to say: Eat it, Brexiters!

Estonia: “(nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (kull) midagi” by 5MIINUST & Puuluup

Certain it is a bunch of burly, beardy dudes dancing a TikTok-ready folks dance, enjoying folks devices and, sure, throat-singing. In different phrases: Eurovision Bingo! However it’s a lot greater than that: These performers radiate plain bear-daddy charisma, and the driving uptempo beat, paired with that plaintive, hovering vocal (“Oooooooooh, yea-eahhhhhhhhh”) will crawl inside your medulla oblongata and arrange housekeeping. The title interprets to “We (actually) do not know something about (these) medication,” and the Estonian lyrics learn like a suspect pleading his innocence on a drug arrest: “I do not know medication, I do know soda and cider/Could not inform the distinction between nutritional vitamins and velocity.” “We keep away from intoxicating substances, that is one thing wealthy folks do.” Uh-huh. Suuuuure.

Croatia: “Rim Tim Tagi Dim” by Child Lasagna

In some ways, “Rim Tim Tagi Dim” affords a sardonic counterpoint to the Netherlands’ “Europapa.” The place that music celebrates the liberty of journey throughout the EU, this one laments the lack of alternative in Japanese Europe which is inflicting hundreds of younger folks to depart their houses and migrate to the West. Granted, performer Child Lasagna places a wink on all of it (“Bye mother, bye dad/Meow, cat, please meow again”), all set to an insistent, Rammsteinian marching rhythm. However he finds a technique to lean into the melancholy on the identical time (“There is not any going again/My presence fades to black.”) It is that sort of narrative turducken – and, let’s be actual, a killer hook – that make this at the least a High Three contender, if not the outright winner. Croatia has by no means gained Eurovision, so that will be a giant deal.

Italy: “La Noia” by Angelina Mango

“La Noia” means “The boredom,” and Angelina Mango saturates her vocals with a becoming quantity of over-it-all ennui even because the syncopated, percussive melody swirls and throbs and compels you out of your seat and onto the dance ground. (On this case, the dance ground is your front room.) Lyrically, the music’s a few girl who turns to dancing and partying to take care of “these wasted days.” “A crown of thorns would be the costume code for my occasion,” she sings, which is a deeply Italian however weirdly emo sentiment for a music so doggedly decided to set your booty shaking. Mango’s bought an enormous following as a result of she’s a mesmerizing performer who by no means breaks a sweat, even throughout these passages when the tempo all of the sudden accelerates and the lyrics begin dashing by so quick they threaten to show the music right into a five-Vespa pile-up. Regulate her.

France: “Mon Amour” by Slimane

Slimane invests this straight-down-the-middle ballad with a looking out, plaintive, torch-song high quality that is extra quintessentially French than a beret slathered with Camembert and stuffed in a baguette. If you happen to go by the lyrics, the man’s sort of a tablet: Urging his lover to return to Paris, promising issues shall be totally different, demanding to know in the event that they love him, and at one level asking essentially the most hilariously red-flaggiest of all questions, “What can we do about my ache?” However Slimane emotes all around the stage, and his insinuating vocals slide you proper previous the ick of all of it. He is not a flashy performer, so the televoters may not decide up what he is placing down, however the jury is bound to present the technical talent on show right here the like it deserves.

Eire: “Doomsday Blue” by Bambie Thug

“Doomsday Blue” is an instance of my favourite Eurovision phenomenon – the underdog glow-up. When Bambie Thug’s queer, witchy mixture of steel and melody gained them the best to compete for Eire, there have been loads of rolled eyes, clucked tongues and shrugged shoulders. “Too bizarre,” they mentioned. “Too darkish,” they mentioned. However someplace on their technique to Sweden they upped their sport and have arrived at an excellent weirder and darker stage efficiency that is, effectively, spellbinding. The spell in query is a hex, to make certain – the singer deftly switches between summoning black magic to torment an ex-lover (“Avada Kedavra/I communicate to destroy”) and murmuring a light-weight, candy tune of resignation and acceptance (“I suppose you’d quite have a star than the moon/I suppose I all the time underestimate you”). Bambie Thug’s efficiency within the first semifinal electrified the group, and it tells a narrative: They dance with a demon and, in so doing, achieve the power to subdue it, and defeat it. I predict the voters at residence will eat this all the best way up, whereas the jury voters will discover themselves some pearls to clutch.

Spain: “ZORRA” by Nebulossa

Strictly talking, zorra means a feminine fox, however as generally deployed, it is a coarse time period for a, um, free-spirited girl, or at the least a girl you do not like. You understand how Previous Hollywood films used to bust out the phrase “vixen” – a feminine fox – to explain the sort of girl performed by Joan Crawford and Bette Davis? It is like that, solely ruder. On this music, Nebulossa does stable work not solely reclaiming the phrase, however luxuriating in it. Translated from the Spanish: “I do know I am not who you need me to be (zorra, zorra) /I get it, it is driving you up the wall (zorra, zorra)/However that is simply my nature (zorra, zorra)/Cannot be bothered to vary for you.” Preach. Within the run-up to semi-finals her vocals have confirmed, to place it kindly, a bit uneven, so this might go both method. The caked-up male backup dancers in thigh boots, butt-floss thongs and corsets ought to assist easy issues over. (Confession: This music does not have a lot of a path to profitable; I similar to it, and the aforementioned dancers, an incredible lot.)

Ukraine: “Teresa & Maria” by alyona alyona and Jerry Heil

Pop singer Jerry Heil and rapper alyona alyona come collectively for this music that urges religion and perseverance by invoking each Mom Theresa and the Virgin Mary. The danger when mixing two such discrete musical approaches is that every will lose its singular character as soon as mixed, however that is not the case right here. The 2 performers stay distinct, and so they create a sort of two-sided musical dialog – a music that feedback on itself. Ukraine all the time comes into the competitors with a certain quantity of worldwide goodwill, however in addition they persistently stage their entries in ways in which make indelible visible impressions on the house viewers. Do not underestimate Ukraine, in Eurovision and in life.

Austria: “We Will Rave” by Kaleen

A number of international locations submitted membership bangers with prolonged dance breaks this yr. (See additionally: Georgia, Cyprus, Luxembourg, Malta.) However Austria’s “We Will Rave” is the most effective of the sweaty, horny bunch, in no small half as a result of it is not content material to serve you up simply a dance break. You are not even by means of the primary verse earlier than the music outfits you with its personal remix. No extra lengthy weeks ready round for some DJ on Ibiza to try this heavy lifting for you – the membership combine is already right here, manufacturing unit put in on your comfort! Additionally: a fake-out ending adopted by a breakbeat end? Are you kidding? Sure, it is dated – it is giving “Night time on the Roxbury” – but it surely’s additionally, not for nothing, catchy as hell. Why this music has a shot: Kaleen’s a identified and beloved Eurovision presence – a stunning dancer who’s totally able to turning it all the best way out within the dwell efficiency. Why that shot will most likely go awry: Even when the house viewers eat this up, Eurovision’s worldwide juries haven’t been variety to bounce music, as they’re made up of music trade snobs – the very fuddiest of duddies – who would not know a stone chilly groove if it bit them squarely on their stone chilly groove issues.

Switzerland: “The Code” by Nemo

Eurovision oddsmakers (sure, that is a factor) say this music is without doubt one of the clear favorites to win the competition this yr, which is smart, because it’s the right distillation of ESC 2024’s entire heedlessly maximalist vibe. It is bought a little bit of opera, a little bit of (gentle!) rap, some drum-and-bass EDM – it is, you understand, a lot. Toss within the lyrics about performer Nemo realizing their non-binary standing (“Someplace between the 0’s and 1’s/That is the place I discovered my kingdom come”) and it is gonna be robust to beat. Any music full of this many alternative kinds can come off like one thing assembled in a lab, however Nemo brings us together with them, fluidly and effortlessly crusing by means of every transition. If they’ll pull it off dwell, this one’s bought all of the earmarks of a showstopper – and a winner.

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